


i don't know if i've ever been really loved

by orphan_account



Series: let her cry (feylin oneshots) [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, pls turn back now if you want to read about rhysand, this is not a feysand fic, this is strictly feylin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 09:02:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: This is a feylin fanfic. Rhysand is not mentioned even in passing. A soulmate au where Tamlin is in the Army, Feyre is a student. Explicit material within





	i don't know if i've ever been really loved

**Author's Note:**

> If you've gotten this far and haven't realized this is a Feyre/Tamlin fic idk where your brain is at.

Feyre sipped her cosmo. Elain and Nesta were already safely home for the night. They’d begged their sister to come home with them but she had her eye on someone. She was in the VIP section and it was quarter after two in the morning. Things were pretty debauched. She saw someone doing lines of coke off of some girl’s tits. She was just a college girl. She had neither the want or need to break boundaries like that. 

 

For the past hour a cute blonde had been eye fucking her. He had a suit on, this was one of the more upper-class bars she frequented and there was a strict no denim rule. He had a nice blue tie and his blonde hair, while closely cropped, and clearly military style, was still long enough she could imagine running her fingers through it while he tongue fucked her. She had no intentions of going back to her place tonight. 

 

She winked at him and he finally approached. The dim lighting of the club didn’t do his features enough justice. His hair had some product in it and he had light eyes, although she couldn’t tell what color in this lighting his cheekbones were so sharp she could cut herself on them. 

 

“Hey sweetheart,” He purred. 

 

“Hey there,” She replied to him. He reeked of masculinity and good cologne. 

 

“Having a good night?” He asked her. 

 

“I think it’s about to get better now that you’re here.” Feyre said, smiling like the cat that got the canary. 

 

“Oh really?” He said, smiling and revealing pearly white, straight teeth. “You seemed very interested from where I was sitting.” 

 

“Did I? I thought it was you who was eye fucking me.” Feyre said. 

 

It was his turn to smile, “I may have been.” 

 

I finished my drink and went to close my tab. I pulled out my credit card and before I knew what he was doing, he was closing my fifty dollar bar tab in cash. So military and rich? Maybe an officer then? 

 

When he had gotten the change from his hundred dollar bill I looked at him. “You’re trying to impress me,” I said. 

 

“Is it working?” He said with a glint of mischief in his eyes. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“You want a round on me?” He asked me

 

I was pretty drunk and didn’t want to get sloppy. “I’m good. If you’re so interested in me that you’d pay my bar tab why don’t you give me a kiss?” 

 

He didn’t miss a beat. I looked up at him and he kissed me, softly at first, he wasn’t nearly as drunk as me and that wasn’t fair. He tasted like single malt whiskey and springtime. He kissed me back with fervor and eventually got my tongue into his mouth. I pushed my hand into his hair and indeed it was  _ just _ long enough to run my fingers through. I sighed happily. 

 

He bent his head to my ear, nipped it and then whispered in my ear, “I bet you want to know how my tongue will feel on your sex. Or maybe even how I’ll feel inside of you?” 

 

I moaned. Fuck it. I outright moaned. He was gorgeous and I wanted him so badly. His eyes were on my breasts and I was fine with that. 

 

“You wanna get out of here?” He asked smoothly. 

 

“Yeah.” I said, breathily. 

 

He took my hand and we went outside to the street and he hailed a cab. In the dim light of the back of the cab I kissed him and even got my hand under his shirt. He was build like a fucking god and I was just about dying in pleasure as he pressed kisses and sucked at my pulse point leaving hickeys. The car slowed to a stop and I realized after the driver cleared his throat that we were there. 

 

We got out and he gave the driver money, we were in front of a huge complex of beautiful apartments. Scratch that they weren’t apartments they were penthouses. Ok, so military and very rich? 

 

He tugged my hand inside with him and we went up in an elevator and just when I thought we were never going to be there the elevator dinged. 

 

The place was… well, beautiful wasn’t a good enough word to describe it. It was all dark wood and rich reds and stunning accent walls. 

 

He sat me down in the kitchen which had all stainless steel finishing. “Are you sure about that drink?”

 

I realized I had gone back to his house and was now being offered a drink and I didn’t know his name. “Let’s do introductions first.” 

 

He smirked, “Tamlin.” 

 

My cheeks flushed, and I sucked in a breath. “Feyre.” 

 

“That’s a pretty name.” Tamlin said, voice wavering for such a short second I thought I imagined it. 

 

“Thank you, yeah I guess I’ll have a drink.” I said reluctantly. Holy fuck.  _ Holy fuck.  _

 

He got two shot glasses and filled them both with Grey Goose. 

 

We said cheers and I shot my liquor down. He didn’t make a face, he’d passed another test. I was sitting on a swiveling stool and he came around the bar and kissed me. We were there kissing and I could feel the liquor clouding my judgement. 

 

“You’re fucking stunning.” He said as he palmed one of my breasts. 

 

“Thanks.” I said, a blush coloring my cheeks. Was that really all I had to say?  _ Thanks _ .

 

“You wanna move this to the bedroom?” He asked. He must know. I could see his wrist and it had the familiar band on it that my own did, his had a screen and a pad of numbers. 

 

I nodded. The steps were a tad tricky to navigate but Tamlin kept a strong grip on my hand. 

 

Tamlin’s room was… huge. The bed looked like it could fit four or five women plus Tamlin, somehow, I doubted he’d done that. 

 

I sat down on the bed and kicked off my stiletto boots. I was wearing a thigh length cocktail dress. He was closing the blinds and when he was done he came and stood in front of me. I could see his hard cock straining against what must’ve been extremely uncomfortable pants. I unbuttoned his shirt and let him cast aside his jacket and shirt. The light of his room was dim, but the lamp next to me was casting a glorious glow on his tanned midsection. His muscles rippled as he laughed at my doe eyes. Jesus, fuck. 

 

He leaned down and kissed me. It was rougher than the times before and raw with need. I kissed him back and nipped his tongue gently. He must realize, that tonight was more than a coincidence, it was fate. 

 

He took my hand and twirled me around so my back was facing him. He unzipped my dress and his hands ghosted over my back and my ass. He kissed my shoulder. 

 

“You’re perfect,” He whispered in my ear. It made me shiver. I had never been called  _ perfect  _ before. I wasn’t wearing underwear and I could tell by the smirk on his face that he approved. 

 

I freed him from his slacks and fished him out of his boxers. Goddamn he was  _ huge _ . I lowered my mouth to him and he pulled away. “Let me take care of you first.” 

 

I loved how unhurried he was. Nesta had told me about plenty of encounters with boys that only pushed her pants down to her knees and pulled her thong to the side before they fucked her. This wasn’t like that. It wasn’t an inferno that was blazing so brightly that it might burn all the oxygen in the room and burn out if we slowed down. 

 

He eased me onto his bed, which couldn’t have been softer. He ran a finger up and down my wetness. Electricity crackled in my veins. He pushed a finger inside me and I gasped. 

 

“You’re really tight.” Tamlin said. 

 

“Virgins usually are,” I replied. 

 

Tamlin stopped for a second. “I’m just some stranger you met in a bar.” His voice wavered with uncertainty. “You want to give your virginity to me?” 

 

“Why not you?” I retorted. I knew just as well as he did. “Let me see your mark.” 

 

“No.” Tamlin replied. 

 

“You want to see mine? Who else in New York City is named Feyre? And it’s not exactly like your name is common.” 

 

He groaned. “Mine is stapled in place. I have to get clearance to show it to anyone.” 

 

So I’d been right about military. “Well then I have no problem with you seeing mine.” 

 

I released the catch on my mark band and showed him. There, in black ink, was Tamlin’s name.

 

“You’re my soulmate.” I said to him. 

 

“And if I’d been some random man at a bar would you still give your virginity to me?” 

 

“Yes,” I said unfailingly. 

 

“You wouldn’t have saved it for your soulmate?” He asked. 

 

I glared at him. He rolled his shoulders. “Let me make a phone call.” 

 

He disappeared downstairs and it made me wonder more about who he really was. This was completely by accident. I hadn’t exactly been looking for my soulmate. I didn’t even know how old he was. 

 

I heard him coming up the stairs and he sighed. He sat down next to me on the bed and I watched him undo the catch and push a code into his mark band. “There you go.” 

 

There were a few drops of blood from where it had been stapled to him but it was clear enough. My name was on his wrist. 

 

He went into the bathroom but I followed. I bandaged his wrist while stealing kisses from him. 

 

He lit a few candles and turned the lamp off. This was not what I was expecting. He laid down in bed next to me and then rolled over on top of me. 

 

“I want you inside of me.” I whispered. 

 

“Are you on birth control?”

 

“Yes.” I looked at him in the eyes and he met my gaze equally. Fuck he was gorgeous. 

 

He went back to finger fucking me. It felt good, but… tight. When I all but soaking his sheets he leaned down between us and licked me. He sucked and grazed his teeth on my clit.  _ That _ felt amazing. I’d never had an orgasm before so the curious tightness in my lower belly was a surprise. 

 

“Don’t stop.” I breathed. He didn’t and with a final flick of his tongue I went rigid and arched off the bed. “Oh my god!” He held me through my orgasm and quieted me as I recovered. 

 

“Ready?” He asked me. 

 

“Yes, yes.” I moaned. 

 

“It’s going to hurt but I’ll try to be quick.” Tamlin said to me. He pressed his lips to mine and kissed me feverishly right when I was about to break the kiss he broke my cherry and I cried out in pain. 

 

“Don’t move, don’t move.” I begged him. He seemed to be grinding his teeth. I knew this must be difficult for him but goodness gracious it hurt!

 

I felt him reaching between us and rubbing my clit in circles. I ran my hands up his shoulders and kissed him. He stayed like that for several moments, the pleasure building in me as he stroked my clit. 

 

“Think I can move?” He asked me with a slight raspiness in his voice. I knew he was trying. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

He started out slow, just finishing pushing into me and holy god was there a lot of him to fit inside me. An ache started to build between my thighs and I couldn’t tell if it was pleasure or pain. He didn’t stop rubbing my clit and I was thankful for it. 

 

He started moving faster and I winced, quickly, he put a pillow under me and the angle he was fucking me changed and he hit something glorious inside of me, something I never knew was there. 

 

My cheeks flushed and I met him stroke for stroke. He had a wicked smile on his face.  _ Oh my god _ ! I could see the strength in his biceps as he balanced his weight on them, he fucked me harder and harder. He never stopped fingering my clit and I could feel my climax building. 

 

“Sweetheart, I’m close.” He bit out. He slowed down and his strokes were deep and slow. 

 

I felt it build and build in me and he was such a gentleman waiting for me. My muscles clenched down on him, milking him and I was unceremoniously shoved into oblivion as he rocked his hips hard into me and finally, when I felt his cock spasm inside me. 

 

Wet, warmth surged between my thighs… was that his… come? It felt glorious. 

 

He rolled off me but pulled me into his arms. He was still spilling seed as if he couldn’t stop and I put my mouth over him. It was his turn to arch off the bed. “Feyre!” I held my mouth over him until he stopped spasming. I swallowed and curled into him. 

 

We laid there and he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I fell asleep in his arms, sticky and sated. 

  
  


*~*~*

 

So it turns out he’s a fucking Captain in the Army. We got married six months after that night. We move from place to place, depending on where he’s needed. I have never been happier. We have a labrador retriever and a retired German Shepherd Army dog. 

 

Tamlin is five years older than me, and a fully qualified doctor. He works in medical facilities overseas where soldiers are injured. He only carries a gun because it’s US Army protocol. 

 

While he’s deployed, we skype and have phone sex. 

 

He turns thirty this year and I graduate from nursing school with my nurse practitioner degree. 

 

Everything is as it should be. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
